I know the strategy to run away from relationships when they get serious. To not let anyone really know me. To avoid any kind of rejection or heartbreak by keeping an arms distance from all people. I get that desire. I have played that game. Loving and vulnerability is a risk… Yet, I am realizing, what is life without deep love? Love is messy and hard here on this earth. I will get hurt. But it is worth the risk.
A favorite quote of mine that I think gives the greatest perspective on this matter is by CS Lewis.
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
I want to love boldly, rich, and full. I want love wisely. I want to live, I am willing to take the risk.