It is a Choice

Last night was one of those kind of nights where life, is just blah. Yes. Blah is a read word.
It was one of those moments where if I could just call God up on the phone that would be great. Being single would not be nearly as hard if I could just get a real hug from God. If we could just literally hang out. Maybe a face to face conversation would be nice. I could do that.

Because last night was also one of those nights where I did not feel God. I had doubts, frustrations, I did not understand, I was mad, scared, lonely. Not really satisfied with anything aspect life. I was hurting for a lot of my friends.


Then I called a friend, a camp friend who had a wonderful metaphor to share.

Married Couples.Somedays you being married. You are happy, it is the honeymoon, you feel in love. You just can look over all the flaws. And life just so happy. You are in looove…. Then there are others days where you wake up and you are just married. No feeling.  No sparks. No nothing. But that does not mean you are not married that day, hour, week, whatever. You are still married even when you do not feel it.

So.  No I am not married, have not ever dated actually. But I get this.
Sometimes I do not feel God. However, even in the moments I dont feel God. That is the time we choose faith. That is when faith, is faith. Trusting becomes trusting.

Its a choice. So even in the moments I don’t feel God. I choose to trust. I chose to have faith.



Id rather be crazy…

“I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others.”

Worth Reading.
And tonight. I am missing my crazy camp friends tremendously.

Faith in a Box

Sometimes the idea is really appealing. The idea that faith could just be this neatly wrapped box that sits in the corner and we just get to look at. We just get to be content and go on with life and know its there. Nothing else we have to do. It would be so neat instead of something that is messy. Instead of something that is confusing, complicated, and frustrating. It would be so easy instead of something that takes time.

Then I realized. If faith was a tangible box… I’d never have to talk to God or even consider him as part of the process. I would not even have to be in a relationship with him. I think he knew what he was doing when he made things this way… (Shocker. God knew what he was doing. HA!)

We are supposed to work out our faith in fear and trembling. It is a process. However, there are many days I crave it to be a straightforward, clear thing! I want to understand it all. I want to just KNOW what to do. And sometimes, I think I find myself putting in a box. I make my own boxes, of short easy answers. I wrap them neatly and closely with bows on top.

But our God is worth so much more than a box. He is so much greater than a box that my feeble mind could crete. If we did not have to depend on God for anything… huh. Things would look a lot different. However faith in a box although easy, is shallow. It is empty. There would be no depth.

Yes. It is messy. complicated. confusing. hard. but it is worth it.

I am thankful God knows what He is doing.
I dont want to put my God in a box. Image

Great & Good

God is great
God is good
Let us thank Him,
For our food.

A simple prayer I learned as a kid. A prayer I was thrilled with, my parents found joy in, and my grandparents heart would be filled with pride. As I grew up, it became a race between my siblings to say the fastest, and first. This prayer became almost a mindless checklist, lacking sincerity. Leaving the reality that I was praying to God as a minor detail.

However, now as nineteen year old I was reminded of the rich depth of this prayer by a great mentor of five years to me, David Nolan. Now, to break it down.

God is Great. He is GRAND. He can do ANYTHING. He is ALL POWERFUL. He is ALL KNOWING. He is  ALL PRESENT. ALL
God is Good. He is KIND. He CARES. He has our best interest in mind. He is FAITHFUL. He is PATIENT. HE is LOVING.

But here is a thought. What if God was not both good and great…

If God was GREAT but not good. That power, knowledge, present, would not be something we loved. He would not have any reason to be trustworthy.  It could be used aimlessly, carelessly, flippantly. He could just destroy the whole entirety of everything. Im thinking life would be more along the ideas of Greek Mythology.

If God was GOOD but not great. He would love, and be kind, and show us faithfulness…. But could not do anything. He couldn’t do much about it. He would be wimpy, and conquered. Yes. He would be trustworthy, but we couldn’t experience this trustworthiness.

It’s funny, even as a 19 year old, technically and adult, I need a five lined rhyme broken down, to really get it.  HA.

Our God is Great, and Our God is Good.
Now. Lets think about that! Aye?

Take A Moment

When life is really crazy… When questions are everywhere… When you are carrying so much… When you can hardly breath… When things get to be a lot… Take a moment to remember.


Take a moment
To remember who God is
And who I am
There you go 
Lifting my load again

No longer am I held by
The yoke of this world
Come upon you the yoke of Jesus
His yoke is easy, His burden is so light

No longer am I held by
The yoke of this world
Come upon you the yoke of Jesus
His yoke is easy, His burden is so light
His yoke is easy, His burden so light
His burden is so light
His burden is so light

You’re lifting my load
You’re lifting my load
You’re lifting my load
You’re lifting my load 
You’re lifting my load
You’re lifting my load
You’re lifting my load
You’re lifting my load

No longer am I held by
The yoke of this world
Come upon you the yoke of Jesus
His yoke is easy, His burden is so light

To Do

This is one of those weeks, that when you look at your to do list and there seems to be no way that you will accomplish anything that you have to do. It seems that you are swamped in projects, papers, and activities. That instead of crossing anything off your to do list, you are only adding more boxes to check off. A week when a test you studied hours for is returned with those conniving multiple choice wrong that you over analyzed and hopelessness begins to creep in. When you have NO idea what to major in, or what you wish to do with your life. The feeling of drowning is the best way to explain this week.

Life also feels like college this week… The crisp weather, fall colored campus, hair half up half down, projects to make, papers to write, exams to take, laundry piles up, oversized pullovers, extra activities to attend, loaded backpacks, room begins to get cluttered, and very little sleep.

In weeks like this, I have to remember a few things.
1. Breath. You have conquered other crazy weeks, you can conquer this one. It is all going to get done.
2. This too shall pass. There is a break ahead. There is rest soon. (And, When it comes take it. Do not push yourself to hard.Sleep is important.)
3. Take one thing at a time. Give it your best! You are not perfect, and never will be. Do not quit. Do not give up.
4. Education is a blessing. These opportunities are a blessings. Working hard is a blessing.
5. ALWAYS take a moment to remember who you are, and who God is. Refocus. Drink a London Fog, and listen to a good song. (I recommend United Pursuit’s: Take a Moment)  Then, ATTACK.


(my list now covers the entire page)


Quitting the Christianity Club

“I gave up my membership to the Christianity club. I’m not interested in proving myself and I don’t care whether or not I look the part. I’m not shined up – not all the time. And when I am, I had absolutely nothing to do with it. But I like it so much better out here on the outskirts, hanging out with Jesus – messy and honest.”

Real Good Stuff from an all time favorite blog post. A post that God changed me through. It is worth the read!  Ask yourself:: Have you found yourself empty and inauthentic? How have you dealt with feelings of lost faith and anger?